i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
Tornado booty call.. dedication
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
Randomize
