i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Randomize
