Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Randomize
