Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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