That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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