You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
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