recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
Liz is crying about burritos again.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
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