Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
