my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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