Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
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