She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Randomize