Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
