We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
Randomize
