omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
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