when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Randomize
