went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Randomize
