I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
