Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
My bed is full of blood and feathers
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
Randomize
