I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
Randomize
