1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Randomize
