what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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