u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
