Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
