I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
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