fix you gags fore go to garrits please? !!!!!!!
What does that mean?
How when the cu k dos I yet u
Focus
whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
