is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
