Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize
