The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Randomize
