I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
Randomize
