dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
Randomize
