He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Randomize
