I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
Randomize
