My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
i may or may not be watching the land before time
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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