Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
