I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
