Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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