I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Randomize
