Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
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