dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Randomize
