Non-Jews are for practice
Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
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