im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Randomize
