Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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