True but thats because hes a fetus.
you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
Randomize
