The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
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