how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Randomize
