I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
