I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
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