you didnt know i had herpes?
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
Randomize