Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
