Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
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