I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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