those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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