Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
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