Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
Randomize
