I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Randomize
