what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
