I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
