we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
Randomize
