I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
Randomize
