you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
