I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Randomize
