on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
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