Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
