3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
