Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
Randomize
