she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
Randomize
