I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Randomize