guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
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