oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
She went from zero to smokin in five shots
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
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