The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
Randomize